She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said her name was "party"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
