we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
