i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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