okay pat passed out under dana's car
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
