so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
