Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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