The maid of honor just puked.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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