I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
