Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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