Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
