im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
