i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
