Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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