Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
