And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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