Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
