Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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