sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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