Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
