that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
