are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
