I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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