Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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