My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
