I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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