I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize