So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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