he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
