all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
