I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think my moral compass just broke
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