Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
