just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
