I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
