so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
