Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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