also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
