ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
