life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
