well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize