Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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