My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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