Me too!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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