you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
