Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
