Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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