pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
