Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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