Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
