I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
