I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
