We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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