You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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