It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
