i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
