Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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