It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
