I want to stick my p in your. b.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
