i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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