wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
