shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
