she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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