its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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