I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
