I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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