Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
