When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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