i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize