Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
