All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
