well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
