im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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