i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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