He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
