Quick, to the slutcave!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
