Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
