I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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