there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
