a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
