Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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