I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
