you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
